The Ennui

How do you know when it is time to move on?  (No, not from Rob.  He may not be perfect, but I sure do love him.)

I may never have used or thought of the word "ennui" correctly until now.  That really seems to sum up how I have been feeling about work lately.  I don't want to go into a whole long list of details about why I am feeling this way because you never know who's reading this (my biggest fear being boring to tears anyone reading this), but it is becoming increasingly clear that I need to think about making a change.  And, of course, what is the only thing worse than being dissatisfied?  Change!

Here's the thing...I work from home.  There are pros and cons to working from home, but certainly some of the biggest pros have to do with Zoe.  I am always here for her before and after school.  I can pick her up when she is sick, I can help her with her homework, I can take her to after school activities, and I never have to worry about picking her up from after in time.  In other words, I get to have the best of both worlds  for a working mom and a stay-at-home mom.  If I have to go back to commuting to an office that will all have to change and that is the biggest thing holding me back from seriously pursuing a new job.

I've updated my resume.  I've updated my LinkedIn profile.  I've asked for recommendations.  I've perused many job postings.  I've tweaked my resume and my profile.  I think I'm technically ready to start putting myself out there.  Now I just have to get mentally ready.  (And I'll have to get wardrobe ready too, naturally.)

The thing about Mother's Day

The thing about Mother's Day is that you have to figure out how to celebrate all the Moms in your life and realistically that is not always possible.  When you are like me and have a mother of my own and a mother-in-law both nearby things can get complicated.  Very often, dare I say almost every time, Mother's Day is never about me.  It is about my Mom or Rob's Mom.  Sometimes it is about Aunts and sisters-in-law too.  Don't get me wrong, I am pleased to celebrate all the mothers in our life, but there's only so much time in one weekend and when you're in a situation like mine, you don't usually end up getting to do something for yourself.

I know I am not alone in this situation therefore I really think there needs to be one set strategy or hierarchy for dealing with this.  Perhaps each family needs to set their own and maybe it should be decided when you get married?  I don't know how it would work though.  When I even start trying to think about it my head hurts.  Every year we hit the same problem:  too many mothers and not enough time.

I know I should be grateful that I have my mother, my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law and my daughter who all want to celebrate Mother's day with me and I am.  And I am very grateful and consider myself lucky.  I know a time will come around when my mother and my mother-in-law won't be around just as I know a time will come when Zoe wishes me "Happy Mother's Day" via text message from wherever life has taken her.

Perhaps the problem is really with the holiday itself?  Do we really need Mother's Day?  I mean we all know it is a Hallmark invented occasion  that is fully supported by the florists and jewelry stores, so why do we invest so much into it?  I really don't know.  I guess we're suckers for marketing.

All I do know is that almost every year on Mother's Day (since I became a mother, of course) I end up feeling like all I did was run around to please others which leaves me feeling simultaneously taken for granted and selfish and that just seems completely counterintuitive to the spirit of the day

Kids love lists

I used to think it was only Zoe who liked to make lists of everything from her favorite colors to places she'd like to visit to potential band names, but it turns out my niece, Sophia, is also quite the list maker.  We had the pleasure of having her as a sleepover guest last week and prior to her visit, she made this list of things she wanted to do while staying with us.

Unfortunately the actual list got wet when a cup of water was spilled on it in the night, but here is an annotated transcript:

1. See Rio [the movie -- lucky for Sophia and Zoe Grandma was in charge of most of the activities so they even got to see it in 3D]
2. Order Govie's Pizza [Actually it is Giove's and for reasons that remain a mystery to me and despite the plethora of really good pizza places in our area, it is a favorite with kids.  They deliver so that was dinner.]
3. Play puppies [I can't say for sure if this took place, but it is checked off on the list so I guess it did.]
4. Acrobat show [We opted to skip this one.  I wanted to return Sophia to my brother and sister-in-law in one piece.]
5. Talk [Oh, there was no lack of talking with a 7 and a 9 year old.]
6. read Books [Now this is one I can really support.  Both Zoe and Sophia are voracious readers.]
7. take a bath [Nah, they weren't that dirty]
8. go get our nails done [Again lucky for the girls that Grandma was in charge.  Sophia got pink nails, and Zoe got highlighter green.]
9. draw [Again, I have no proof, but it is checked off]
10. watch a movie [Not including Rio, I guess.  They did watch the available for free on Netflix streaming Imagine That starring none other than Eddie Murphy.  I'm not sure, but I think Zoe and Sophia could have made up a better movie on their own with 2 hours and a video camera, but they really enjoyed it so what do I know?]
11. ride scooter [They did, in fact, ride scooters, but only for 10 minutes.  Maybe less.]

All-in-all I'd say it was a pretty successful sleepover according to Sophia's list.  

Tuesday Shoesday: Espadrilles

When the going gets tough, the tough go shoe shopping.  Things got kind of tough last week so ...

Now that the weather has finally turned warm I am ready to think seriously about warm weather footwear.  As opposed to sandals I have been drawn to the flat espadrilles I've been seeing around (not the skyscraping wedge variety).

Here are some that I like:

Franco Sarto

Kate Spade

Michael Kors

Steven

The nice thing is that all of these are relatively affordable.  I guess since they are primarily constructed from canvas and rope, that makes sense.  That and they probably don't last more than one summer.  

Naturally my favorites are the Kate Spade pair although I'd like to try on the Stevens to see how those stay on your feet.  

Questions for 3pm on a Monday

• When can I take a sick day that's really what I like to call a "sick of work" day?  This entails much calendar analysis.
• What should I read next?  I very often finish a book or come close to finishing a book on the weekends.  Right now I am trying to convince myself not to buy a new book for my Nook, but to read one of the books I have stacked on my shelf or by my bed that are unread.  
• What should I make for dinner?  As often as not this is the first time I've thought about it for the day which means I probably haven't defrosted any meat.  The other times, like today, I've usually taken out chicken breast so it is a matter of what chicken recipe to use.  Nothing too ambitious, I am sure.
• What activities does Zoe have this week?  I must check my meeting calendar against my taxi calendar.
• What's the deal with tumblr.com?  Who uses it and what's good about it and/or better than my Google reader?  I'm not sure I get it and I'm sure I don't like that I don't really get it.
• Why isn't there a shopping site (like Land's End or Piperlime or Sephora) that would give me stuff for free if I would blog about it?  I really would blog about it.  
• Is there anything worth watching on TV tonight?  Mondays so often are the worst night for TV shows, but it is also the night I most want to zone out in front of the TV.  
• What can I have for a snack?  I want something filling, but not too caloric or sugary.  
• How much Diet Coke really is too much?  Because I think it is Diet Coke or nap right about now.
• Is this list of questions long enough for a decent blog post?  I hope so because I can't think of anything else I am pondering this Monday.  

So Beautiful or So What

I'm a music fan, of course, but I am a Paul Simon devotee.  I am pretty sure my father played Simon and Garfunkle records for me while I was in utero.  There isn't a time I can recall that listening to the music of Paul Simon (or Simon and Garfunkle) wasn't completely appropriate.  His music is probably the soundtrack of my life and I have a million memories wrapped up in so many of his songs.

I don't know how many albums (or whatever they are called these days -- releases?) he's had and I certainly don't have them all, but this week he came out with a new one, So Beautiful or So What, and I have to say it is seriously fabulous.  Possibly the best complete album I've heard in a very long time.  The single that was released a few weeks ago, The Afterlife, has been playing in my head since I first heard it.  It's rare that I feel so strongly about music that I feel the need to write about it, but for some reason, in this case I really do feel the need.  Probably because one of the things I love about Paul Simon's music is the poetry of the lyrics and this album is chock full of poetry.  (What is a song without the lyrics, anyway?  Don't actually answer that.)  Here's an awesome excerpt from The Afterlife:

Buddha and Moses and all the noses
From narrow to flat
Had to stand in the line
Just to glimpse the divine
What’cha think about that?

You can find all the lyrics along with all the lyrics to all Paul Simon songs here:  http://www.paulsimon.com/music/so-beautiful-or-so-what/afterlife 

And if you're interested in previewing the album before purchase, the whole thing is on constant streaming here:  http://www.paulsimon.com/news/so-beautiful-or-so-what-online-listening-party

Blog-iversary

6 years of ZoesMom!  I can't believe I've been blogging for so long.  Thanks to everyone who's reading!

For fun, here's where it all started:  http://zoesmom.blogspot.com/2005/04/new-job-day-1.html

Tuesday Shoesday: Pucci Please

I'm sure I need these:

Now I am off to find:

1. The money to afford them
2. A place to wear them

I'll let you know how it turns out!

Book Review: Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain
by Portia De Rossi.

I don't know why I was drawn to reading this book.  Fortunately I don't have an eating disorder, I was never a big fan of Ally McBeal or Arrested Development or even Portia De Rossi, but even so something drew me to this book and I'm glad for it.

First of all, I am now a Portia De Rossi fan.  Her honest and compelling writing made this book impossible to put down.  It was good that I knew there was happiness in store for her or I think I would have been sobbing much of the time I was reading this book.  It is always amazing to learn the truth about something or someone that appears so different on the outside.  Her fight against herself even when it seemed like she should have been sitting on top of the world is an utterly heartbreaking account and it says a lot about the message sent to women and what it means to be successful.

I have been on a number of diets.  I have felt bad about eating something "bad" and I have exercised as a counteraction for that.   I always thought that anorexia was born out of some abuse either mental or physical or some other trauma, but now I see that is not the case.  I don't think I am in danger of becoming anorexic, but I can see now how it can happen and it does make me worry that much more for my own daughter who is on the verge of entering those tender years of body changes.

I can't recommend this book more highly to women as well as to men who love women who struggle with weight issues.

Is that alll there is?

Did you ever have one of those days when you:

• Get up early to shower and dress
• Wake your husband so he is not late for work
• Wake your kid(s) up for school
• Make sure your kid(s) get dressed, hair brushed, etc.
• Make breakfast for your kid(s)
• Feed the dog
• Pack lunch for kid(s)
• Put in a load of laundry
• Take kid(s) to the bus stop
• Take something out of the freezer to cook for dinner
• Go to work
• Work all day
• Scrounge something for lunch
• Eat while working
• Drive kid(s) to and from after school activities
• Cook dinner
• Do dishes and clean up the kitchen
• Fold a load of laundry
• Make sure kid's backpack is ready for the next day at school
• Sign permission slips
• Write check to the PTA for fundraiser
• Make sure kid(s) bathe, get pajamas on, get into bed
• Pay bills
• Return phone call from your mother-in-law
• Sit down on the couch and fall asleep 10 minutes into your favorite show
• Drag yourself up to bed
• Set alarm to start all over tomorrow
• Lay in bed and think just before you fall back to sleep "is that all there is to my life?"

(Of course not every day is like that at all, but sometimes it feels that way.)

5 Things that make me fall asleep

Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep, but usually my problem is staying asleep. However, in case I do ever find myself in need of something to help me fall asleep I have composed this list of 5 things guaranteed to bring on sleep almost instantaneously:

1.  The opening monologue of Saturday Night Live
2.  Any segment of the The Daily Show with Jon Stewart before the guest
3.  The last 5 pages of a book
4.  Animated movies
5.  The "reveal" portion of any reality show, but especially "What Not to Wear" or "Top Chef"

Tuesday Shoesday: Old School

After my disappointment in the sandal selections I've seen so far this year I've decided that this spring I'm going old school.  Classics always work, right?

So, I'm thinking I'll start with some new docksiders:

Throw in some flat espadrilles (not the 5 inch platform type):

Some simple wedge peep-toes for going out or work stuff:

And top it all off with some real old-school kicks:

Now that's a shoe wardrobe I could be proud of!

Shopping with Zoe

Used to be that shopping with Zoe was something to be avoided -- especially when shopping for anything that is not specifically for her. Lately things have been improving.

A few weeks ago I dragged her into Sephora and at first she was complaining about how long it was going to take, but then I showed her how she can try on the make up and she was completely enthralled. I ended up having to drag her out of the store. Needless to say she was quite colorfully made up.

Last week she and I walked into town so I could go to a sale at Ann Taylor loft. The entire store was 30% off so I obviously felt compelled to check it out. I shopped the store as quickly as possible, but I wanted to try on a couple of dresses I'd found. Amazingly Zoe did not even roll her eyes when I asked her to come into the dressing room with me.

She sat patiently while I tried things on. She offered a few kind opinions. When I was trying on the dress I ended up buying and she said I looked like a model. And she was sincere.  Perhaps that helped me make the decision to buy it?

The best part was when I was getting dressed back in my clothes and she told me, "I really like that shirt! You should definitely get that shirt!" And when I told her that was my shirt from home she said, "You have really good taste. "

I wish I had a recording of that moment to be played back when she's about 15...

My (not so) Secret Love of (romance) Novels

Don't tell anyone this, but over the last several months I've come to gradually realize something about myself:  I really like romance novels.  OK, not the bodice-rippers with Fabio on the cover, but the ones I have been drawn to are grouped in the sub-genre of "contemporary romance."  Up until recently I think I had been fooling myself by calling them "chick lit" but it turns out they are largely the same thing.

In all honesty it is difficult to discern the difference between most books that would be called "chick lit" and others that are classified as "romance."  I think the only major difference I've noticed is that the "kissing scenes" (you know what I mean and how do you learn to write those well?) are better in the romance novels.  Otherwise the characters are all very similar:  nerdy girl who is really beautiful, but doesn't know it, beautiful girl who is really smart, but misunderstood, bad guy who is really good, good guy who is really bad.  You know the drill.

Isn't it funny that I was comfortable all this time calling them and liking them as "chick lit" but something about the name "romance" brought out the complete snob in me?   Maybe I'm not as smart as I like to think of myself or maybe, just maybe, there's nothing at all wrong with a good romance novel.  Probably both.

Now remember, don't tell.  Unless you want a few recommendations...

9 Years Ago Today...

...my beautiful Zoe was born.

Absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me.

On Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus

Yesterday evening as Zoe was taking a bath and I was supervising, she asked me a very important question.

She said, "Mom, can you tell me now?"

"Tell you what?" I asked.

"You know.  What you wouldn't tell me this weekend when Joseph was here," she looked at me imploringly.  "Is there a Tooth Fairy?"

[Backstory:  My nephew Joseph slept over last Friday night and it just so happened that he lost a tooth so the Tooth Fairy had to come to our house.]

"Are you sure you want to know?" I asked while furiously thinking through my answer.

"Yes! Please tell me the truth.  The real truth."

"OK," I took a deep breath and told her.  "There is no Tooth Fairy."  My heart broke a little as I watched Zoe's face.  She took the news well.  I think she already knew the answer, but something about saying it out loud makes it so definite.

"That's a good thing!" she said.  "I didn't like the idea of someone flying into my room at night.  What else isn't real?"

"Well," again I hesitated.  "There's no Easter Bunny."

Again she took it well.  "Yeah, how could a bunny carry those baskets around?"

"Daddy likes to play the Easter Bunny so don't tell him you know," I told her.

"I won't tell," she smiled.  Then her face turned serious.  "But Santa?"

"Santa is real," I told her.

"Of course he's real.  Santa brings me things you say no to," she confirmed.

I felt a little bit sad about that whole conversation and I think Rob was a little upset with me when I told him about it, but I think I did the right thing.  I think...

What Zoes Do Best

It is standardized testing time at Zoe's school and I think, the entire state of Connecticut.  I have mixed to ambivalent feelings about these tests, but Zoe seems to be handling them well so I am not going to worry too much about it right now, but it is something to take seriously since it becomes part of Zoe's record as a student.

However, I have discovered that there is a secret upside to the testing period that no one talks about.  During the two weeks of testing there is no homework.  This is like a vacation for me as a parent.  Not once this week or last have I had to worry about when Zoe will do her homework nor have I had to review it or help her with it or anything.  When she gets home from school I don't have to drop everything to asses the homework situation.  It's hard to explain what a small, but meaningful joy this is.

Zoe has a daily planner that she is supposed to write her daily homework assignments in and last night as I was emptying her backpack I noticed that on the planner in the entry for yesterday she had written "Do what Zoes do best."  I asked her what that meant.  She said her teacher told them they should do what they do best after school today and that for her it meant "running, jumping, and being loud."  Of course.  At least she knows herself well!

Tuesday Shoesday: Sandals?

So, it is finally March which means I can allow myself to start thinking about warmer weather and, of course, sandals! In the past few days I've done some clicking around on my favorite shoe sites and I have to say I'm underwhelmed with what I have seen so far. Here is a montage of what seems to be out there:

I have to say I'm over all of these looks. Been there, done that, and in the case of the Dr. Scholls, even twisted the ankle. Now what? No sandal purchase to look forward to this year? Luckily I am on a limited budget so I won't feel too desperate, but still, there has to be something. I guess I'll force myself to keep looking...

Birthday Wish List

Zoe's 9th birthday is just one week away.

Before I go on I just have to say, OMG Zoe is going to be 9!!!! How can that be?

OK, so I asked Zoe to write down a few things that she wanted for her birthday for me and to tell family when they asked.  In truly Zoe-fashion here is the list she came up with:

This list makes me laugh in so many ways. Probably my favorite thing is the title:
20 14 things I want for my birthday... and then she only put down 12 things!  The check marks after some of the items indicate that those are things she really, really wants.

I've opted to fulfill wishes 2, 4, 6, 9 (Yes, you're reading that correctly, she is looking for a paperback copy of Moby Dick.  I managed to find an abridged and illustrated children's version.) and 12 (we have an old-fashioned gumball machine in our basement that she would like to have in her room).

I think Ima (Zoe's name for my mother) will be handling request #5 -- a trip to Build-a-Bear.  Whoever invented Build-a-Bear is a capitalistic genius.  That is one of the biggest money-making schemes I have ever seen.  Ima already took care of #8 this past weekend, that's why it is crossed out.

Speaking of capitalistic genius, can't you just hear the commercial in item #3, the Vectron Wave?  I love that she includes the price plus shipping and handling.  Not something you're going to ask your sister-in-law or your mother-in-law to get, now is it?

About the only easy item on the list to pass to a family or friend is #1 (a game for the Wii for those of you that don't know) and maybe #7.

I do love that kid.

Dress Shopping

In about 2 weeks we have a family bar mitzvah to attend. This means that we all need something nice to wear which also means we must go shopping. I never mind shopping, but it is not Zoe's favorite thing to do. Especially since this is a mandatory dress wearing occasion. Zoe really, really did not want to go dress shopping.

Truth be told, I can really relate to the feeling. When I was about the same age that she is now my brother made his bar mitzvah and that meant I had to buy a dress. I can still remember sobbing in the dressing room over some frilly, white Gunne Sax dress (remember those??). I thought I would rather die than wear that dress or anything resembling it. Some girls love dresses and some like me and now Zoe recoil in horror at the thought.

Luckily for Zoe children's clothing is so much nicer, cuter, and cofortable than it ever was when I was a kid. I often find myself wishing I was a kid so I could wear some of the adorable clothes that are available for Zoe. Zoe is pretty picky about what she wears, but there's always things she likes.

Last Sunday we were at a birthday party and my brother and sister-in-law were there too so we decided to all hit the mall on the way home so we could do some shopping for the kids together. Zoe was not really excited about it, but having her cousins come with us made her more enthusiastic. We went straight to the children's department at Macy's and grabbed every dress each girl said they would try and what ensued was something out of a romantic comedy dressing room scene with the girls trying on dress after dress from the ridiculous to the sublime. It was quite amusing. Finally Zoe settled on the first dress she tried on and I happen to think she looks perfect in it.

Now we just need shoes...