Euphemism

I love euphemisms. They really have a way of glossing over the ugly stuff.

I write this because I recently had the pimple that ate my face. (Luckily it has since spit my face back out and gone back into its cave.) However, rather than calling it a pimple, the lovely lady at the cosmetics store referred to it as a "blemish." When she said that, I thought to myself, lady, this is way more than a blemish, but whatever. Just give me what you've got to get it gone.

That little word blemish got me thinking about other famous euphemisms. Some of my favorites are:

Restroom. As a child I always found that one confusing because, well, there aren't any beds or couches in a restroom unless you go to one of the really fancy departments stores, of course.

Lavatory. This was even more confusing because just when I figured out what a restroom was, I got to school and they called it something else. Something that sounded a lot like laboratory.

Pro Life or Pro Choice. They are pretty meaningless when you think about what they really mean.

In a family way. There are so many more good ones for pregnancy, but that is my favorite.

Period. This is a good one. No one likes to think too much about this.

First Base, etc. Silly, but important to know.

Gay or Straight. I don't get it.

Concentration Camp. The prime example of how dangerous a euphemism can be. Its name says nothing about what it really is.

Toasted, buzzed, and any of the other 5,000 terms of that sort.

The list could go on for days, but I'll stop here.

So when I asked the nice lady to help me with my blemish I was hoping for magic, but instead was offered a product I already owned. I was SOL.

Halloween Meme II

I was tagged by the Queen herself!

Rules:

1. Answer the questions on your own blog. -- Will do!

2. Tag 13 others to answer the questions on their blogs and link to them. -- Probably won't do since The Queen already tagged everyone! I'll just leave it at this -- if you want to do this meme, go for it!

And here we go...

1). Which urban legend ghost scared the bejeezus out of you when you were a kid?
The one about the guy who had the dog that would lick his hand at night and then one morning he woke up to discover his dog was dead and written in blood was "humans can lick too." This was one of the most popular campfire stories at my sleepaway camp. Not much sleep for me on the nights that story was told.

2). Which horror movie has the best premise?
The Birds or really any Alfred Hitchcock movie.

3). What is the most disappointing "treat" to receive in your bag on Halloween night?
It has to be an apple. Second to the apple is the little box of raisins. I mean really.

4). What's the best non-candy item to receive?
Bouncy balls. They were big in my neighborhood when I was a kid.

5). Did a monster live in your closet when you were a child?
Nope. The monster lived in the basement of course.

6). Which supernatural creature sent chills up your spine when you were ten and still does?
The headless horseman. I know it sounds silly, but that just creeps me right out.

7). Which supernatural creature makes you yawn?
The Mummy. What is he really going to do? He's held together with medical tape! The new Mummy movies have not had any improved impact.

8). What's your favorite Halloween decoration?
Jack-o-lanterns. I love to see people get creative with the carving. I still haven't carved my pumpkins, but hopefully I will get to do it this year.

9). If you could be anywhere on Halloween night, where would you be?
Right where I'm going to be. Home and then trick-or-treating with Zoe and my nieces and nephew. Halloween is a kids' holiday to me. I love celebrating with them.

10). What's the scariest book you've read so far this year?
I don't like scary books so the only thing that comes close this year is 1984.

11). Haunted houses or haunted hayrides?
Haunted houses. I feel too trapped on the hayrides.

12). Which Stephen King novel/movie would you least like to find yourself trapped in?
Misery. That was scary, scary, SCARY to me.

13). Which are creepiest: evil dolls, evil pets, or evil children?
Evil dolls -- especially clowns.

A weekend of funnies from Zoe

It seemed like just about everything Zoe had to say this weekend was having us all laugh out loud. Here are a few of my favorites:

The worst Halloween ever would be instead of getting candy, getting advice.

It's weird. Neil Armstrong and Louis Armstrong have the same last name, but they are not related at all. Not even a little bit. It's spelled the same and everything. A-R-M-S-T-R-O-N-G

Avatar [the TV Show] gives you spiritual advice. Don't make fun of that show, that show is my life.

It was more dangerous for Grandpa in his driveway than at the battle of the bulge. [Said when discussing the fact that Rob's father did not get any serious injuries in WW II, but he did manage to slice of part of a finger in a car engine fan.]

I have to cartwheel. It's who I am.

Have you seen this? Recursion

I just stole this from a tweet from David Pogue (@Pogue). I could have re-tweeted, but it seemed like a perfect blog post too.

Here's what you do:

Google the word "recursion."

On the results page click "Did you mean?" spelling suggestion. (It will say recursion.)

Repeat.

Giggle.

One is enough to fill my life with ...

I'm not sure if it has do with Zoe's age or mine or other factors I am not considering, but it seems like lately a lot of people have been asking me about having another child.

Does Zoe have an older brother or sister?

Do/did you want another?

Are you going to have another?

Typically followed by...

Why don't you have another?

Will you ever have another?

Don't you think Zoe would like a little brother or sister?

And after those questions are answered, I am usually given some comment on only children that vary in degree from good to bad, but very few land in the indifferent category.

I don't mind if someone asks me about having more children because I know it is common to have more than one. I accept that as polite conversation on the playground kind of thing. It is the relentless follow-up that gets to me. I mean, I don't go around asking pregnant women why they are having another baby. I don't ask people with 3 kids if they worry about their middle child. And even though I'd like to, I haven't asked my neighbor why on Earth she is having fourth kid. Do you know why? Because it is not my life and not my business.

I know that some faction of the world believes I am denying Zoe something crucial in life by not providing her with a brother or sister, but I don't believe that. I believe I am trying to be the best mother I can be for her -- and to me that includes not having any other children.

Halloween -- a pictorial history

It's that time of year...leaves changing, pumpkins, and of course, Halloween. One of the favorite holidays in our house. What could be better than costumes and candy?

Zoe keeps asking me what she was for Halloween at every age. I wasn't sure I remembered everything so I went back and consulted my photos.

Here's the full history:

2002 First Halloween -- she had two costumes this year because really, is one enough?



She only lasted about 15 minutes in the Hershey kiss costume before breaking down into hysterical sobs, but the cow costume was worn until it didn't fit anymore.


2003 -- The First Flight of the Bumblebee
Also the first time trick-or-treating.


2004 -- The Bumblebee flies again.
The costume still fit so why not?

Next to Zoe is my niece -- that was her first Halloween.



2005 -- The Year of the Witch

This was the first year she chose her own costume. She had to have that witch hat.

2006 -- The Year of the Princesses


2007 -- Argh!
This was the only moment she was actually wearing all the pieces of this costume.

2008 -- A Friend of the Devil

I just realized that I've probably posted most of these photos over the years, but it is fun to look at them all together. I am looking forward to seeing her in this year's costume. I won't give it away so I have something to post on 11/1.

Friday's Lessons Learned: All Work and No Play Makes Me Tired

I've been suffering from work overload lately and therefore I have not been blogging at my usual rate and I seem to have completely stopped creating these lists in the last few weeks. Not good. Time to get back to the blog ... and the bullets.

• There is nothing so anti-climactic than the completion of a large project. All along I always think I am going to feel elation and relief when the project is done, but instead I tend to go into what I think of as my post-project depression. And I realize all the work that I had been neglecting and am swamped all over again. I am hoping that after this weekend I will be over the depression and magically caught up on my work (insert plea to elves here).
• Kids don't love shoes. They may love a pair of shoes, like the sneakers Zoe is currently wearing into the ground, but in general shoes are just annoying even if they are necessary.
• We are going to a family wedding on Saturday and Zoe will be wearing a DRESS. That's right, a dress. A dress that she chose and is actually excited to wear. Keep your fingers crossed that she won't be barefoot (see above).
• Speaking of shoes...I wanted to start hating Zappos because they were bought by Amazon, but I just can't. Especially since they always send me shoes the next day for free and since reading this article on their CEO in the New Yorker. I'd like to work for this guy.
• More about shoes...it is all of a sudden boots season around here. I don't know who flipped the switch, but I would have preferred something a little more gradual. The pool is closed, the heat is on. How can it be winter when we never had summer?? Oh well, I guess I better get shopping for those boots!

Have you seen this? Mad Men on Sesame Street

I love Mad Men, but I have loved Sesame Street even longer...