15 October 2009

One is enough to fill my life with ...

I'm not sure if it has do with Zoe's age or mine or other factors I am not considering, but it seems like lately a lot of people have been asking me about having another child.

Does Zoe have an older brother or sister?

Do/did you want another?

Are you going to have another?

Typically followed by...

Why don't you have another?

Will you ever have another?

Don't you think Zoe would like a little brother or sister?

And after those questions are answered, I am usually given some comment on only children that vary in degree from good to bad, but very few land in the indifferent category.

I don't mind if someone asks me about having more children because I know it is common to have more than one. I accept that as polite conversation on the playground kind of thing. It is the relentless follow-up that gets to me. I mean, I don't go around asking pregnant women why they are having another baby. I don't ask people with 3 kids if they worry about their middle child. And even though I'd like to, I haven't asked my neighbor why on Earth she is having fourth kid. Do you know why? Because it is not my life and not my business.

I know that some faction of the world believes I am denying Zoe something crucial in life by not providing her with a brother or sister, but I don't believe that. I believe I am trying to be the best mother I can be for her -- and to me that includes not having any other children.

6 comments:

HT said...

As a mother of two boys who constantly hears "aren't you going to try for a little girl?" and other variations- I feel ya!

musingsfromthesofa said...

Totally fair. And you know my answer to the people who ask me why I'm not having kids! I think a certain amount of rudeness in your response is entirely justifiable.

Emily Barton said...

Funny. I was just thinking the other day because we recently watched one of those nature programs that presented me with a heart-breaking (why do nature shows always have to do that?) scene focusing on the bird that lays two eggs, and the one that hatches first, if it's healthy, always kills the other one when it hatches, that, basically, the ideal thing is to be an only child, because siblings, on many levels, DO want to do what that baby bird does. All children want to be the child who is the sole focus of their parents' attention, and they are constantly fighting to be just that. The only ones who get it are only children, which leads me to believe that only children are probably the most well-adjusted people. Judging by Zoe, who is light years ahead of what I was at that age, I'd say you have perfect proof of my theory. I agree with Ms. Musings: you have the perfect right to be as rude as those people are being when asked such questions (you can start with giving them my theory, if you'd like, and possibly wondering why their oldest has not yet killed their fourth -- or fifth -- or whatever it is child yet).

ZoesMom said...

HT - What is your answer to that question? It is exactly the same kind of thing.

musings -- some people are just not put off by rude.

Emily -- I think that is a perfect response. I will have to give that a go.

sarawithnoh said...

I love the "are you sure you're done? Well, you have a boy and a girl so you must be happy." My response, "I didn't care if the last one was a giraffe, I'm done!"

And unless you're carting around car seats, and buying new clothes, and saving for college you don't get a say in how many kids I have! And good for Zoe that her parents made a choice that will make them happy. Happy parents for happy kids ;)

ZoesMom said...

Sara -- yes! Happy parents, what a concept.