Zoe is on school vacation this week and because I have to work this week and my options for childcare are limited, my sister-in-law graciously agreed to have Zoe sleepover Sunday night to Monday and bring her home Monday night. When we got home from dropping her off on Sunday night both Rob and my mother were complaining about missing Zoe already. I know some of it was exaggerated for fun, but I still got the real sense that they were truly missing Zoe after only a couple of hours and what would really amount to one missed bed time and one missed morning with her. I have to report honestly that I didn’t feel the same.
This immediately made me feel like a bad mother. After all, if her father and her grandmother were missing Zoe so much, shouldn’t I be missing her too? Do I not love her enough?
I mulled it over for awhile and the realization I came to is this: Zoe’s being gone for a night was a break for me and only me. The only thing truly different for Rob and Mom was that she wasn’t around. Of course I love having Zoe around. I do everything for her. And right there is the crux of the issue. I do everything. Yes, Rob helps and my mother helps – a lot, but I am the one who is truly responsible for all her comings and goings, her needs, her schedule, her clothes, her everything.
So, while Rob and Mom continued to complain about missing Zoe, I erased the bad mommy thoughts and went to bed with a smile on my face. I was able to go to bed when I wanted, set my alarm for later, get up and shower and leave for work when I was ready and I was quite relaxed about all of it. Zoe safely returned to us on Monday night and all was well. She had a terrific time with her cousins and her aunt and uncle, and I too, had a brief holiday.