The past couple of weeks I've had a bit of health issue that involved a biopsy and waiting for the results of that biopsy. I am very fortunate that I can say the results of the biopsy were negative, but it was so hard to keep my head on straight while waiting. Most of the time I tried not to think about it, but every once in awhile my mind would go there.
What if I have cancer?
What if I die?
And in thinking about those questions I was really thinking about Zoe. I can't leave her -- not yet. She still needs me. Just contemplating that thought was, still is, a lot to take. I know if the results had been different that I would hardly have been the first mother of young children diagnosed with cancer and I know I could fight it and have good chances being youngish and healthy, but in the waiting moments that stuff didn't matter. All that mattered was who would take care of Zoe. Who would buy her tampons and help her with her first heartbreak? Who would take her prom dress shopping or help her choose a college? Who would cheer her on the whole way? It has to be me.
I am so lucky that I can be relatively sure it still will be.