The past couple of weeks I've had a bit of health issue that involved a biopsy and waiting for the results of that biopsy. I am very fortunate that I can say the results of the biopsy were negative, but it was so hard to keep my head on straight while waiting. Most of the time I tried not to think about it, but every once in awhile my mind would go there.
What if I have cancer?
What if I die?
And in thinking about those questions I was really thinking about Zoe. I can't leave her -- not yet. She still needs me. Just contemplating that thought was, still is, a lot to take. I know if the results had been different that I would hardly have been the first mother of young children diagnosed with cancer and I know I could fight it and have good chances being youngish and healthy, but in the waiting moments that stuff didn't matter. All that mattered was who would take care of Zoe. Who would buy her tampons and help her with her first heartbreak? Who would take her prom dress shopping or help her choose a college? Who would cheer her on the whole way? It has to be me.
I am so lucky that I can be relatively sure it still will be.
6 comments:
so sorry you had to go through that - it sounds really scary! Very happy though that the results were negative and Zoe has you for a long, long while...
Oh, lucky you indeed! I am so, so glad to hear it all came out all right. Those kinds of scares (and the waiting) are horrible. And, yes, it does have to be you to see Zoe through all those landmark moments, and it will be. (Of course, knowing Zoe, she will decide not to go to the prom and to be in Paris instead, or something, but you'll be there for that decision, too). ox
and god forbid she decides to use pads!
I am counting on our Golden Girls retirement, so a great big PHEW from your oldest friend! xo xo ht
I guess that is every mom's fear whenever they're faced with illness or just being even sick. "Who will take care of my children?" So glad to hear that all is well with you!
www.orangesenorita.com
Thank you everyone. I'm quite relieved to be so lucky.
Emily -- whatever she decides about prom it will happen at the last minute, but I'd vote for Paris too!
HT -- I am also counting on our Golden Girls retirement. I wonder how I'll tape things to your ceiling when I'm in my 80s, but I'll figure it out.
You can get the pool boy to do it...
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