You know those days when one thing after another screws up your plans for the day? That seems to be the story of my life lately. I have canceled or rescheduled more plans, meetings and appointments in the last month than I think I ever have. I have had more last minute doctor appointments, more minor emergencies, and more phone calls than I thought possible in a 30-day period.
Maybe it is because work is busier than ever, maybe it is because I am still adjusting to working from home or maybe it’s just all a coincidence, but I am just feeling like I can't get a handle on things and I can't get ahead. No amount of to-do lists, getting up early, or staying up late seems to help. And I feel like I am constantly complaining which is probably true since that is clearly what I am doing right now!
So, this morning when Zoe woke up with a fever and an earache my first reaction was less maternal concern and worry and more total annoyance combined with a dash of anger at the fact that I knew there was no way Rob would stay home to take her to the doctor and I would have to rearrange more meetings, get a lot less work done than I hoped, AND cancel my dinner plans with Heather who I have been trying to have dinner with since November. Had Rob not been home at the time, I am sure I would have taken out my frustration on Zoe instead. It was not my best Mommy moment and I am not proud of it.
I did get over myself and manage to make all the necessary adjustments to my plans for the day to accommodate Zoe. Poor, sick, Zoe who burned with fever all day long and lay on the couch like wet dishrag barely making a peep after we returned from the doctor. She called for me to come snuggle with her around 6:30PM which I gladly did, but as I was holding her, I could feel her heart pounding in her chest and it freaked me out. It was as if she had just been running around like crazy, but I knew she was just laying there ad had been for hours. I called the doctor's office and left a message and was ready to rush to the ER by the time the on-call nurse called me back (about 6 or 7 minutes later).
The nurse kindly explained to me that her increased heart rate was a normal side effect of a high fever and quite expertly calmed me down without making me feel completely foolish. She suggested I give Zoe Motrin rather than Tylenol and give her a cool washcloth for her head and feet to help bring the fever down. When I hung up the phone I shed a few tears of relief and then took care of Zoe, got her fever down a bit and got her into bed and finished up some work.
And now here I am grateful that something is not really wrong with Zoe, where I hoped to be with work stuff, and even though I am still missing Heather, I feel like a real selfish bitch for my earlier behavior. I think maybe tonight was the check I needed to get things back into perspective.