A prevailing bad mood

I'm not sure what it is, but I seem to be consistently in a bad mood these days -- especially in the evenings. Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep or I'm eating the wrong foods or possibly it is the winter blues. Maybe I just need some more vitamin D -- seeing the sun for only 2 minutes a day starts to catch up to me at this point in winter. Whatever it is, I wish I could shake it. (Not like a Polaroid picture, more like a sandy towel.)

Zoe Bright and Dark

Way back in early middle school, I read this book, "Lisa Bright and Dark" about a teenager who has some kind of bi-polar disorder and she completely cracks up over the course of the book. It was kind of a scary read for a kid.

Anyway, sometimes I think Zoë is behaving like she suffers some sort of bi-polar disorder even though I eventually realize it is just a case of being 3. One minute she is behaving like a good, calm, sane child and the next she is screaming and crying over some mysterious injustice or minor injury. I don't expect her to behave perfectly all the time, I just would like to find a way to extend the periods of good behavior and minimize the bad and seemingly insane behavior. Any advice here would be appreciated. As long as it isn't wait another 2 years.

On a completely unrelated note, I measured Zoë this morning and she has grown almost 4 inches in the last year!

A good day for a tantrum

Today would have been a good day for a tantrum. If only it were socially acceptable for 35 year-olds to have tantrums, I certainly would have been lying on the floor flailing arms, kicking and screaming at least once today. And it could have been as early as 7:15 AM when I returned home from the gym to find my husband still sleeping when he should have been up and showering. That got things off on the wrong foot for the day and my mood never recovered. Given the rest of my day, it never really had a chance, but that is a long, boring story filled with minutiae. I really think the kicking and screaming might have helped.

The more I think about it, the more I think how much I could really use a wife just like me. Then I would never have to set an alarm clock or worry about there being food in the house or soap in the shower. I know, I've said this all before and I am sure I will say it again so stay tuned...

google.cn

This blog is not a space I usually use to express my political opinions, but in this instance, I can't help it.

Yesterday, Google announced a new and special version of their search engine created especially to comply with the rules of the Chinese government. This version excludes e-mail messaging and the ability to create blogs, but that is not the part that really gets me. This new Google will comply with Chinese law and censor information deemed inappropriate or illegal by the Chinese authorities. Specific words will be blocked including: Tibet, Falun Gong and Tiananmen Square. Additionally, they will pass user information back to the government. From today's NY Times article:

In one case two years ago, Yahoo provided information that helped the government convict a Chinese journalist, who was sentenced to 10 years in prison, on charges of leaking state secrets to a foreign Web site.

I don't feel good about this. It makes me want to stop using Google, and Yahoo for that matter. Aren't these companies rich enough without trading in civil rights for more profit? I know there is a great desire to be in the Chinese market place, but if companies like Google and Yahoo who can afford to ban doing business with China would do so, it would be an incredible statement.

Again from the NY Times:

The Paris-based group Reporters Without Borders, which tracks the activities of Western technology companies seeking to do business with repressive regimes, condemned the Google-China deal as "hypocrisy" and called it "a black day for freedom of expression in China" in a statement published on its Web site.

Remember the Alamo! part dos

It can be lonely traveling on business. Especially when I'm in the hotel alone at times I would normally be with Zoë and husband or Mom. It feels so quiet without them and strange to be all by myself.

Yesterday I was so happy to be home from San Antonio and back with my loving family. That lasted until about 11:30PM last night when my husband began having repeated coughing fits that woke me up each time. Now, before you think I am unsympathetic to some illness he is suffering, let it be known that he has been having this same cough for weeks and weeks and I have asked him many times to go to the doctor. He does not have a cold. Then shortly after he finally settled down to sleep (around 1AM), Zoë woke up crying, "I can't find Eyore!" Eyore is one of her beloved so I knew I had to get up and help her find him wherever he had wandered off to (deep under the covers it turned out). This then led to "I have to go potty" and "I need a drink of water" and finally "Please snuggle" and it was almost 2AM by the time I got back into my own bed. By that time I was seriously missing that quiet and lonely hotel room!

Remember the Alamo!

I was just in San Antonio for the past few days on business and I got to see the Alamo. It is conveniently located downtown and across the street from the wax museum. And it turns out to be kind of a depressing and somber place to visit. In essence it is a place where an awful lot of people were killed and it is much like visiting a big grave. Complete with bullet holes and gift shop.

Overall, I think the trip was good. I did my best at work and I got to see one of my best friends, her husband and their daughter. Their daughter is so incredibly well behaved that it made me feel that I must be doing something seriously wrong in my own parenting. It's not as if her parents are extremely strict either -- she is just naturally good and sweet. I have to admit I felt slightly better when the little girl had a minor tantrum when Mom said no to buying her a book. That was more like it!

Little boys are kissing my daughter

Today when I picked up Zoë to take her home from school, one of the little boys in her class hugged and kissed her good-bye. Yikes!

Happy Birthday to me

As per usual, the weather on my birthday (Sunday) was total crap. Woke up to howling winds, snow and ice. Nope, no trip to the big apple for me. It's just not fun to walk around in that kind of weather -- even just a few blocks. I was quite disappointed at the turn of events, but not at all surprised. We were supposed to go meet Duncan too, but Zoë's kennel cough re-appeared Saturday night and her nose was running so that cancelled that idea. You just can't bring a snotty-nosed 3-year-old to the home of a newborn. Especially not one that is only a little over a week old. Next time, we'll weather the weather if there's no illness.

Anyway, the day didn't turn out all bad. I had a fabulously relaxing breakfast in bed prepared by Mom and Zoë. I actually lounged in my bed until almost 10 am! Unheard of! I got some swell gifts too.

All-in-all turning 35 was mostly painless and even some fun.

Friendly's

Who doesn't like Friendly's? If you don't know what I mean and you've never experienced a Fribble, you need to go out and find the nearest Friendly's restaurant ASAP.

We've just come from dinner at this fine dining establishment and they have got how to make kids happy in a restaurant down pat. From the blue and pink soda drinks to the Monster Mash sundae to the giant tub of crayons, life is good as a kid at Friendly's. At least for my kid. She had a ball and she was definitely the loudest kid in the place. Where does such a little person get such a big voice?

Turns out Friendly's is also the place for divorced dads. There was no less than 5 tables of kids with just their dad. It can't be that it was mom's night out for everyone -- unless I missed an important memo.

Neil Diamond -- 12 Songs

Believe it or not, Neil Diamond's new CD is really good. I am listening to it now. I mean it's not the old stuff like Sweet Caroline, but it is good. Two thumbs up for good old Neil.

Open the windows!

Today I opened the window in my office! It was a beautiful thing for the 10th of January.

It's been unusually warm here in the Northeast the last couple of days and it has really been wonderful. The last few winters have been so cold and snowy, we were definitely due for a milder winter. Of course, the tables could still turn, but by this time last year I had already shoveled my driveway 5 or 6 times. In a way I think I insured a milder winter by finally breaking down and buying new snow boots this year.

Don't worry, I know February is busy getting itself ready as I type.

Opportunity, is that you?

I really hope so. I've been waiting by the door for you.

I don't want to jinx this one by even writing about it here, but if it does happen, I promise to let you know.


(It has nothing to do with pregnancy.)

Welcome Duncan!

Got some great news last night about the birth of Duncan. The new Mom, my long-time friend, and baby are both doing well. I can't wait to visit them. Congratulations to the new family!

It's funny how long ago those newborn days seem -- especially now as Zoë's fourth birthday rapidly approaches. I can't say I miss those days, but there is something amazing about just holding your baby in the first few weeks. I remember looking at her for hours and I just couldn't believe I made something so perfectly beautiful. Every little turn of the head is a moment of amazement.

I also remember how good it felt to roll over in bed for the first time and not have that huge belly in my way anymore.

Return to school

I'm sure you know that Christmas Carol "It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas." There's a line in the song that goes...

And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.

When I was a kid I used to think that line wasn't very nice, but now, NOW, I totally get it. I mean I GET IT.

Yesterday Zoë's school was closed because of what turned out to be mostly a slush storm so I stayed at home with her and did my best to work from home. For most of the day we couldn't even really go anywhere because it was so gross outside and after the second viewing of "Madagascar" cabin fever began to set in and I thought she was literally going to start bouncing off the walls.

With the holidays and the snow, we've just had too many days at home lately and she really needed to be back at school running around. That kid has so much energy! This morning I had to take her to a doctor's appointment and we arrived a few minutes early and the office wasn't open yet. There was nowhere to sit or anything -- we just had to stand in the hall. No one was around so I told Zoë to see how fast she could run to the end of the hallway and back. I was half joking, half serious, but she did it! Multiple times. It was hysterical to watch. All that running and she was barely even winded. I definitely need to get her involved in more physical activities. Thank goodness school was back in session today.

Zoë's birthday

I realized the other day that I have to get started planning Zoë's 4th birthday party. We have already received an invitation for Deanna's birthday party in February.

At first I was thinking I would do it at the Beardsley Zoo, but that idea was complicated by the fact that only one child is allowed per adult. That means that some of the parents would have to -- or I would have to pay an additional entrance fee. Plus, despite the fact that we are waiting until early April to have the party, the weather is so unpredictable that time of year and it could really put a monkey wrench into enjoying the zoo. (pun intended)

After abandoning that idea I began scouring the internet for other party location ideas and finally ended up deciding I was better off hosting the party at home. For a brief moment I considered having a musician come, but for the 7 or 8 kids I am planning to invite, that seemed utterly ridiculous. Finally, I came up with a good idea -- BEADS! Zoë loves beads and it seems that most kids around her age do to. So, I'll buy a bunch of big, plastic beads that are easy to work with and the kids can make some bracelets and necklaces, have pizza and cake and then go home. Party -- done.

Wasn't it just the other day that I was planning her first birthday party??? Wow, I can still remember just about every detail of that party. It truly was a momentous occasion. For me more so than anyone, I think.

Back to life

Back to reality tomorrow. The holidays are all over and I have a major project due to launch in 3 months and we are nowhere near on schedule. It is definitely going to be a Tylenol PM night as I try not to think about all the things I conveniently ignored over the last 2 weeks. At least it is only work worries that are plaguing me. Those are easy to shake off. It's all the other stuff that can really get you down -- or keep you up as the case may be.